I've been in conversations about the intricacies of relationships and the importance of being authentic. What do you do when you love someone and they think they know you so well, but they really don't because you aren't stating your truth much of the time?
Since I'm a Cancer water sign, it's in my nature to flow like water, especially in relationships. With that, I've definitely given in within my relationship when I may not have wanted to and I will admit it's vise versa too. What I've learned is compromise is one of the most valuable traits for a long-lasting relationship. But...there is a difference between compromise and hiding yourself, your inner desires to prevent fights or dispel fear of revealing your truth. What would happen if he really knew the truth about how you feel? Guess what? If he doesn't have a clue about your truth....the relationship is not based on solid ground and you can forget it long term.
Authenticity is everything. My husband & I have been together for 20 years and yes, though we drive each other nuts at times, love always supersedes the challenges. Yet no matter how much I want to hide my roller coaster emotions, I can not. He sees, feels and knows my truth...even if he's not too happy about it sometimes. Never underestimate the power of vulnerability. Without it, there is no intimacy and without that, the relationships lacks authenticity and the result is dissatisfaction.
Scholar, author and public speaker Brené Brown states “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” An open-heart combined with truth can cure many discrepancies. No matter how different you are, awareness and openness are vital. Trust me, opposites attract in my world.
I've talked to numerous clients who are in despair about their broken relationships and have shared that they lost themselves when they were with their partner. They lost their voice for expressing what it is they wanted. Watch out. Even giving in to the littlest things and not letting your opinions known can be detrimental to the relationship in the long run. With positive intention, it's possible to bounce back. Brené Brown explained “If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief. “ Who wants to deal with this? No one. But how can you support yourself?
Practice loving yourself first. Maybe then the second-guessing and caring too much about what other's think can subside.
Here is one “love meditation” to engage in a little Self-Love, from “Teachings On Love” by Thich Nhat Hahn, my favorite Buddhist monk, poet, scholar and human rights activist.
May I be peaceful, happy and light in body, mind and spirit.
May she be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
May he be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
May they be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
May I be safe and free from injury.
May she be safe and free from injury.
May he be safe and free from injury.
May they be safe and free from injury.
May I be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.
May she be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.
May he be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.
May they be free from anger, afflictions, fear and anxiety.
As Thuy, Thich Nhat Hahn, states, “When we know how to maintain a calm, joyful mind, our words and actions will manifest peace and happiness. We will be our own true friend and a good friend to many others.” With this meditation you focus on sending love to yourself first. Next you set your intention on individuals and finally you send love to the world at large. See for yourself the powerful reactions to spreading love abound.
May your week ahead be filled with fun, love and productivity.